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Have you ever concentrated so hard in doing your work that you don’t realise that you are mumbling out loud your inner thoughts, daydreams and feelings. Something like “Women ought to have long tails”, as an example, i don’t know, something ridiculous that you wouldn’t dare to say it out with a fully conscious state of mind.
but you’ve also forgotten that there are people around you.
and not wanting to sound like an insane and bitter person to those around you, you repeat what you said but this time, you sing it with an awkward sounding melody. Hoping that they’ll pass your mumbling as a weird song.
You then shut up and put on your ipod. Knowing you’ve lost your worth from drowning in shame.
It was a cool Monday afternoon, i was in the toilet taking a piss. In the middle, the phone in the jeans vibrate and ring. It was only one of those ‘anonymous’ calls, those usually very important calls. There is no choice but to answer before the automatic voice message feature kicks in. It’s very uncomfortable.
There is that courtesy issue, where you have to talk softly, so as not to produce echoes that reveal you are in a toilet. There is also where you have to hold your piss because it’s rude to talk to someone on the phone while pissing. No matter how attentive you are, you know you sound like you’re going to sound too pre occupied when you piss. Be careful to hang up first then continue pissing. Not the other way round.
Timing for these things. Always suck.
(congratulations) to ummi.. for her private blog to be featured in list of websites visited by Shell’s weekly top ten internet users
Huwahahahahahaha!!! famous kau arah Shell tu eh ums. HAHAHAHAHAHA!! Herzlichen Glückwunsch!
A picture illustration of a funny thing that happened to me last summer. To my dear friends who were involved, ya that’s right, you guys are idiots!
How rumours spread…
I want to travel back in time to the early dynasties. Like Brooke has taken Sarawak, i want to conquer a mass of land…
and as a cruel joke, make the inhabitants learn the ‘G’ language.. or pig latin as the official language. A hundred years later when all is educated and civilised, they’ve realised that i’ve taken them for a ride.
On my magnificent tombstone of the great conquerer, an elaborate design carved with prayers and my name.. and underneath it all, when translated from G, reads “You fell for it, lolololololololol!!”
I’ve always wanted to drop down to the grass, kiss it and roll around it. Letting it all lose with feelings of happiness, etc, and all that shit, maybe from the feeling of falling in love. whatever.
So yesterday god granted that wish but it wasn’t how i pictured it to be.
So there i was, walking towards uni.. along the pathway next to the the village green. Beside the pathway, the land sloped down to a moist green field, which reflected the rays of the setting sun.
And there was, an attractive girl, elle a saisi mon coeur!, walking towards me heading in the opposite direction, not too far away. She caught me staring and i panicked.
I wandered in awe and lost concentration, so much that i didn’t realise that half my foot was in a pothole. I lost balance and i fell awkwardly. It wasn’t a proper fall even.. it was one of those falls where you go, “uh-oh uh-oh, i think i am falling, i’m going down..i’m going down slowly. ha-ha, excuse me, i think i will fall slowly”
As if that wasn’t embarrassing enough, conditions were perfect for the consequence to escalate. It was like getting caught walking around campus with a piece of macaroni pasta on your shirt and accidentally snorting when you laugh to brush it away, only to cough heavily because you choked on your own saliva before you can defend yourself from the barrage of laughters. The awkward fall, the pot hole, the slippery path way, the small slope downwards and the wet grass. It was all there, had these things be ingredients of some sort, the witch of oz would be delighted that it all came together perfectly.
and so it happened, once i hit the ground, i slipped even further (who slips again while they’re lying ground anyway? Genius joke, god. Genius) and i rolled my ass down the slope. Any smart or sane person would’ve made a decent effort to stop rolling and stand up. But i was neither that time, it was 100% pure idiot rolling down the small hill and i continued to roll down the gently-slopping hill, until the fence stopped this momentum of ridicule. I didn’t need to wonder what wet grass tasted like, i was living the dream, baby. but as far as i was concerned, i was chowing on the grass like a cow on LSD.
A Passer-by looked at me in a curious way. Half curious, half amused actually. and who wouldn’t? From the distance, the whole scene would’ve looked like i decided to kneel down and said ” Well, it’s a nice wet day, i think i’ll have a jolly good roll down this hill before my class. Tra-la-la-la”
Then comes along, several people, asking the question we all expect, with half-assed sincerity, “Are you alright?”
But you know that what they really wanted to ask was, “What the fuck are you doing?”
What am i doing? I was just expressing my life through an expressive contemporary dance. Wonder and adore my grass coated costume! I hope you aaaaallll enjoyed my performance. Allow me to waltz my way out of here gracefully. ’till then, danke und auf wiedersehen, leuter!
Ironically, i was wearing dirt brown that time, the grass matched perfectly with my attire. Maybe, it was a good day to roll down.
Summary:
One of my greatest weakness is the tendency for me to recall the most embarrassing the most moments in my life. I would have these flashbacks of these really embarrassing moment and i would just crumble and mentally collapse. I don’t get this effect when i think of things that make me angry cause i’ll tend to calm down quickly and think of arguments or logic that would make me win next time =D
One of the most embarrassing moments that i recall very often was an incident that happened about 3 years ago. This was during the first week of my junior and housemate, Yoshi (i won’t give the full name but to many, it is obvious) arriving in Sydney for his studies. He had his parents tagged along to help him settle so the parents were there everyday in our apartment that time. Yoshi’s dad is also a company man, so the scholars here got a treat for dinner, which was awesome.
I remember there were a number of us at the apartment that night who hung around before the dinner, yosh’s parents where there as well. When it was time to leave, i was just browsing around the shoes that were at the door (at the living room where everyone was). There were sneakers around and i noticed immediately a pair of tiny lady sized shoes. I don’t know why but i quickly assumed it was ummi’s.
So i put them on, and exclaimed to ummi who was about to grab her shoes as well “EEH!! DAMIT JUA KAKI MU, UMSS HUHUHUHU” and i sorta did a silly penguin dance with those sandals on. Then ummi looking confused, started putting on a pair of CONVERSE SNEAKERS.
“EEhh!! those converse are yours???”
Ummi: “Er… yeaa…”
“So… if those are yours… who’s are these…?”
I looked around the room and saw yosh’s mother staring at me in plain sight. Oh my god, i wanted to kill myself. How could’ve i acted so STUPIDLY? Dinner that night was awkward for me to say the very least.
Whenever i walk to uni or anywhere, i tend to daydream as well. and i absolutely HATE IT when my mind starts to recall embarrassing moments like these. I’d get so embarrassed that i’d just start to shout out random thing.
“PLOI, JUBUR AMBUK KALI EHHH!!!!!!”, scolding myself at acts of stupidity.
So if you catch me in that crumbling mental state of mind. I’m not crazy, don’t mind me, i’m just overly embarrassed.
In order to curb swearing, it was suggested to me that i make a sin bin. 50 cents for major swear words. So ok.. i thought i’d give it a shot
By evening, i had enough to buy dinner for two. As i eat my dinner, i realised something..
“Wait a minute, i’m rewarding myself by swearing”
D-oh!
Fuck..
(owh, here comes the McDonalds softserve~ =D)
fucking delicious
On a meeting with the boss supervisor
Me: “I found a paper on WAG in gas but it was more to condensate so i don’t know if the same thing applies to natural gas, the assumptions are a bit dodgy so i thought i’d ask for your opinion..”
Supervisor : “let me see.. you got the paper?”
Me: “Here.. in the pen drive”
*scrolls down the files list*
S/V: “Hmmm.. they’re all paper numbers.. do you remember whats the paper number…”
Me: “err.. i forgot.. i think it’s 1-0-something something something.. long number”
S/V: “hmm.. there’s one here… its 1067*mumblemumble*… with a .flv extension”
Me: ” .flv? …. NO DON’T OPEN THAT”
S/V: ” Ok… but what is that?”
Me: “It’s erm… mmmm… *scratches head*…. it’s porn.”
(Awkward silence with a wtf look)
Then good ‘ol Geology AND Drilling lecturers come to join the party. Perfect timing.. phew..
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